Spoken Truth

So, a couple months ago I got a message on Facebook from my ex who abused me mentally, emotionally, sexually, and verbally. It took me a while to form the words to say to him even though I’d had no problems typing up my open letter blog post to him. Writing it anonymously and posting it on my blog was much easier than putting it in word form to actually say to him. 

Needless to say I wrote him back. Below you’ll find my response to his question “How have you been?”

​“How have you been?” Ha. That’s funny. And it’s rather cute you think you deserve the right to know how I’m doing or how I’ve been. Truth be told I’m doing fan-fucking-tastic now that I no longer have to put up with a controlling, self-absorbed piece of shit for a boyfriend. I used to look for your satisfaction but not anymore. I don’t give two shits what the fuck you think of my choices or how I’m living. Those days are long gone. I’m in control now and it’s the best I’ve ever felt. It may have taken a while but damn if it wasn’t worth it. My husband, ya know.. the guy I left you for, is amazing and I couldn’t be happier.

Fuck you. Fuck you for breaking me. Fuck you for thinking you ever deserved me. Fuck you for ever thinking you were good for me. Because at the end of the day you fucking suck and you don’t deserve to know or feel the happiness I know and feel everyday. You don’t deserve anything but what you’ve handed out to everyone else your whole life – misery. 

I should’ve known from the get go but I was young and ignorant to the fact that anything bad was going on. You took advantage of that. You ruined me. I sank to the bottom and because of you I was there for a long fucking time. Sometimes I still wonder if I’ll ever make it out but no worries, I will. I have what I need now to make it happen – a loving, supportive husband who knows my past and what went on and still decided to stand by my side and help me. THAT is what I deserve. True happiness; true love. How fucking dare you try to rip that from my grip.

I’m going to end this with the courage to say what I’ve always wanted to say to you. You were wrong. So fucking wrong. You misguided me in many ways, using my innocence in ways I’ll never gain back. But I do deserve happiness. And in regards to your last words to me. I FUCKING WON! I did find someone who loves me for the fucked up person I am. So fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

I wrote this message to him on December 6.

Fast forward to this past Friday, March 17, 2017.. 

I get a message from him. This time it says. 

“I’m sorry you feel that way but what do I need to change about myself so I’m not such a piece of shit and maybe I can get somewhere in life”

I don’t even know. I have no words. 

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