Life

An Open Letter To My Mom

Dear “Mom”, 

The word mom is in quotations because with you I use the word pretty loosely. I don’t remember many times that you actually acted in the mom role in my life, until I was much older. Quite frankly, I don’t call you mom outside of my children. How you react to that is your fault. If you wanted to have a better relationship with me you should have tried much sooner. 

Everyone knows the truth about how I was brought up and who brought me up. It definitely wasn’t you but that’s not relevant anymore. 

At first I didn’t understand the dynamics of being a mom and I figured that you were doing what you thought was best for us kids. Now that I have kids of my own I no longer feel like that’s the case. You can’t honestly believe that bailing on us to hang out with random men and get drunk at bars every night was the best situation for us. And if you do, then you far have more issues than any of us know about. 

Growing up I didn’t know what it was like to have a best friend relationship with my mom, let alone a relationship at all. You’ve never been there for me in times that I needed you most. Hell, the two times that I did desperately need you you claimed I made the situations up for attention. 

Being raped and being in a controlling, abusive relationship is not something to joke about.. and since you’ve declared you were in those situations as well, you should know that first hand. So, based on the reaction I got from you when I told you about them I don’t believe a fucking word that escapes your mouth concerning being raped or in an abusive relationship. 

I know that if you ever read this you’d claim that I am no better than you for saying that I don’t believe you.. but that’s not the case. That’s you playing victim like you always do. You claim that because I waited so long to tell you that it isn’t true. Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, I didn’t tell you because WE DON’T HAVE A FUCKING RELATIONSHIP. 

I told you simply because you had met another dude online and wanted to move me 13 hours away from the only family that I had. I got raped when you moved me in with some dude you met online, clearly I didn’t want to think about it happening again, but because everything is about you I was lying. Making shit up. 

It’s to the point now where my brothers are growing up and realizing what a bat shit crazy person you are. And I’m here for it. Front fucking row. 

Have you never thought that maybe you need to work on yourself since you don’t have a relationship with any of your kids. Yeah, we are around.. but none of us come to you for advice or to tell you important shit. 

I was the first person to know on our side that J’s fiancé was pregnant. I know that pisses you off. It’s your fault though. -shrug- 

I’m getting pissed off and worked up so I’m ending this here.. but just know I could write a book..

2 thoughts on “An Open Letter To My Mom

  1. Wow this is so powerful. It sounds like you’ve been faced with some real challenges in your life. I hope things get better for you. Stay strong and keep being the amazing person you are x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! I’ve found that opening up about all these challenges has helped me overcome them. So I’m continually working on it and allowing myself to open up and really get rid of any and all hard feelings I have within myself.

      Like

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