When it comes to advice and overbearing parents I believe everyone can relate. Getting and being pregnant, whether planned or a surprise, should be an amazing time in your life. Key word should. Once you start telling people you’re expecting the unsolicited advice starts rolling in.. then you get the overbearing parents saying “Well I raised you this way and you turned out fine.” or “I don’t agree with your parenting style…” which is fine and dandy. That’s their opinion but sometimes they don’t see it that way. They feel as if because it’s their grandchild they’ve gained rights to “help” you parent by shoving their beliefs and parenting styles down your throat or belittling you for any difference in opinion y’all might have.
I was still living at home when I got pregnant with my oldest. My one and only regret during my pregnancy was not TRYING to figure out a different living situation. We would constantly argue about what was best for MY child, what I should and shouldn’t do, what I should and shouldn’t buy, etc. It was always something. She disagreed with everything we did. When A got older and we started time out or standing in the corner my mom bitched about that and how “I never did that with you kids why would you do it to yours?” Well, here’s the thing.. there’s a difference in disciplining your child and abusing your child. There’s also this thing called lack of parenting which is what she did. She didn’t discipline any of us. My brothers ruled the show and always were getting into trouble. Yes, that’s exactly how I want to raise my daughter. 😒 It was just always something. Everyday. She’d go behind my back and allow A to do things I said no to, she’d give her candy and soda, etc while I was at work. This caused numerous issues with A’s behavior and even now when she comes back from staying at Grandma’s she’s got an attitude. It got to the point where she couldn’t go over there for a certain amount of time because she couldn’t handle her attitude and behavior after coming home from there. Which caused my mom to bitch at me about not seeing her grandkid. Whatever.
On the other topic of this post.. advice is almost always unwanted once you’re a parent. I’ve noticed I will post a venting status and the unsolicited advice will just follow suite. It got even worse once we got pregnant with our second. Everyone seemed to think they needed to fill us in on how THEY coped with multiples and how THEY adjusted. Which is great but what works for you may not work for others.
Life would be so much easier if people realized that everyone handles the same situations differently and that sometimes (actually 99.99% of the time) we just need to vent to get shit off our chests.
Life – and parenting – isn’t a competition. We all do it differently. We all have our own ways of surviving (or trying to) each situation life throw at us. Which is perfectly fine. There’s no rule on how each situation needs to be handled.
With that being said… Please stop shoving advice and your ways down other’s throats. It’s not necessary and definitely not wanted. By any of us.