Life

Blast from the past..

I’ve been trying to come up with the words to type about this ever since it happened and I’m not sure I have them yet but it’s something I wanted to talk about because I feel so much better about it now.

Little bit of backstory..

A couple months ago I received a message on Facebook from my abusers ex whom he shares a little boy with. She told me that she had spoke with my aunt and was told that I would be okay with her messaging me to discuss some things that were going on. Obviously I talked to my aunt to make sure what was being said was true because part of me believed it was my ex trying to talk to me. My aunt said that his ex had gotten a hold of her and due to what was going on and what I had gone through with him she didn’t think I’d mind talking to his ex. So, it was true. I was still hesitant, though. I told her that I would be in Ohio in a couple months and if she still wanted to talk we could meet up while I was up there.

Fast forward to my trip to Ohio..

It was a Tuesday morning and I had just got out of the shower. My phone begins going off like crazy with message notifications. It’s 8 in the morning so I’m like “Who in the hell…” Anyway, when I check it’s from his ex. Five new messages. Which was weird because I hadn’t told her I was up in Ohio yet because I didn’t want my ex finding out. I open them to read them and she wasn’t asking if I was up here yet she was telling me what was going on and why exactly she needed help and going into lots of details which I will not be posting on my blog.

I was worried about the situation but again was a little hesitant to reply because I did not want him finding out I was back in town. I did not want to see him, talk to him, nothing..

I ended up replying later that day and asked her if she still wanted to meet up with me to talk. She agreed to and we set up a place & time. I had my male cousin come with me (we got there early & he sat away from me) just in case it was actually my ex.

It was actually her & the talk went great. I shared a lot of what I went through with my ex and from the sounds of it it hasn’t gotten any better and he hasn’t changed. Huge shock, right? Their little boy is adorable as hell, though. She tells me that he still lives in the town where we are staying so of course I’m freaking out inside.

Fast forward to two days later.

I was headed out to get the girls some lunch and decided to stop at the Walmart before grabbing food. I’m walking back towards the toy section and I see a face I never wanted to see again. I dip quick into one of the side aisles and hauled ass to the front of the store. As quickly as I could being 32 weeks pregnant and sore as fuck.

I made it out the front door & back to my mom’s car but I sat there catching my breath for a second and saw him come out the door into the parking lot. Freaking out & having a really bad anxiety attack I carefully back up & head towards the stoplight to leave. I have no idea what he drives so I can’t even make sure he’s not right behind me.

I head towards the hotel and decide to go the back way through a neighborhood so it’s harder to track me. I stick out like a sore thumb since I have Virginia plates in Ohio and he knows I’m from Virginia since we dated still when I first moved there.

I make it back to the hotel & realize that I totally forgot to grab the girls lunch. Do I dare venture back out or order in? I decided to hit up DQ since it was right up the road from the hotel and got there and back to the hotel without seeing him.

I only ventured out by myself one other time the whole time we were up there. I was scared to go visit with family by myself because of my ex. Here I am.. fifteen years later and I’m still impacted by what he put me through. In my every day life I am good and it doesn’t bother me but seeing him and being that close (especially since it’s obvious he saw me since he left right after) fucked with me.

I am so glad that I was able to meet with his most recent ex and talk to her about what’s going on with her. It helped me in a way I had no idea it could. I guess because she literally understood what I was saying because she was living it with the same guy. I really hope she is able to come as far as I have and keep moving forward.

Until next time..

xoxo.

18 thoughts on “Blast from the past..

    1. Since we’ve split I’ve ran into him three times while I’m up there and it has never bothered me like it did this last time. I thought he had moved across the state border but I guess not. 😅

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  1. Wow! I’ve always had a strange curiousity of what it would be like to talk with the ex’s of the men I’ve dated. oh the conversations …. That’s really neat that you got to do that, and even more glad to hear that it was a helpful thing.

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    1. It was definitely something I never thought would happen but hearing that she’s going through what I did and knowing she understands where I’m coming from really helped me continue working & pushing through that part of my life.

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  2. A lot of people don’t realize that abuse does stick with you for a LONG time! It’s so wonderful that you two got to talk to one another about your experiences, although I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant to relive. I wish you both so much good fortune! ❤

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  3. You are strong Lena. Life isn’t fair sometimes but your blog proves that it’s good to talk to someone about problems in your life, as it helps with the healing process and also proves there are many others out there in the same boat as you.

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  4. Woah, I’m sorry about that. It made me nervous just reading it! I hope you’re doing okay and it sucks that you went through something so traumatic. Sending you loving vibes ❤

    lifeslittlemusings.com

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