I have been M. I. A. for a bit from most of my social media and not even as active in my personal social life, what little social life I have, and it has taken me back to figuring out my why and focusing on that to keep me moving forward.
It goes without saying my why is my kids and my husband.
I have always known that my girls and my husband are what keep me going and when I am having an off period of time I tend to focus on them solely, leaving out everything and everyone else. I find that this helps me level back out and come back feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world.
Lately I have been letting my why get away from me and dwelling on things way longer than I need to allow. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m capable of being okay and feeling okay. I just need to let my why bring me back to the surface.
Let’s take what happened in Ohio for instance. It took me a while to even type up that blog because I had no idea what I was going to say or how I was going to feel once it was done. I am an open book and I knew I would eventually be able to type it all up as I have written much harder and more personal content in the past.
When we got back from Ohio the girls and I went up and enjoyed the Fourth of July weekend in the mountains and I was able to focus on something other than my ex, his abusive ways, and how he made me feel. We had a lot of fun and I spent the whole time enjoying their presence. Being up there is always refreshing but being able to enjoy the time with my girls has always made it even more relaxing and enjoyable.
When we got back I felt so much better about what had happened and found myself wanting to write about it so I opened my blog and started typing. I didn’t post it for attention or to get any pity. I posted it because, as always, I am an open book and feel that posting what I go through could help someone. Even if it only helps one person.. it’s worth it.
I was able to share my experiences with y’all because I had time to rebalance my thoughts and feelings because of my girls. They are (along with my husband) my sole reason for still breathing and pushing through this crazy, chaotic life.
It has been 15 years since I ended things with my abusive ex and although I am in a much better spot mentally it will always be hard seeing him. That’s one thing that I have mentally allowed myself to understand that will never get easier. Regardless of how happy I am now and how great my marriage is..
With all of that being said.. I need to allow myself more time to focus on my why and make sure that I am mentally balanced.